One of my friends on here posed an interesting question. I thought I'd re-post it on the main blog so we can get a good discussion going on the subject. Here's what she wrote ....
"....... do you (or anyone else out there) have any advice on how to deal with an overweight child? My step daughter lives with us full time - she is 11 and starting Junior high this year. She is really struggling with weight - I want to help her but I don't want her to feel bad about herself, but I'm not sure where to start?! What do you think? Have a great day!..."
Let's all offer some advice and discussion on the matter in the comments section.
Take Care,
Eat Well.
Rich
My son had this problem a few years ago and I got in outside to play basterball with me and we starting riding our bikes together in the afternoon and I dont buy sodas and I put sliced carrot sticks and presliced apples in the frig for a quick snack . I freeze juice for ice pops for the kids also .Just an idea , Hope it helps .
ReplyDeleteI too have a daughter, age 12, that is overweight. She's not fat, not obese, but definately on the larger side. It's a delicate line where you don't want to hurt their feelings, but on the other hand, you want them to be healthy and happy.
ReplyDeleteSince I've lost all my weight, my daughter is looking at her own weight, although she hasn't verbalized it to me. I can tell she's thinking about it. I guess a good role model is important for children to look at. If kids have fat parents, then maybe they think it's okay to be fat. If they see a parent that was once fat and is now skinnier, maybe it makes them think about their own weight situation.
YOAD tells us to trash all the junk food in the house. That's great advice if you live alone. If you live with a family with kids, you'll have a mutiny in no time, if you do that!!
So, I have slowly removed (or not replaced) a lot of the unhealthy stuff in my house. The cookies, the sugar cereals, I don't buy ice cream anymore. I've done it slow enough as not to upset the balance of the force. Also, because of YOAD, I am cooking healthier. My kids will NOT eat some of my healthy YOAD stuff, but they will eat other stuff (like the whole wheat Pizza recipe). SO by introducing healthy food into their diets, these healthy meals are slowly becomming the norm in my house.
I'm also asking my daughter if she's like to join me on a walk. This is GREAT bonding time for us. I do my treadmill in the morning, but lately in the evenings after it cools a bit, I go outside and go for about a half hour walk. My daughter joins me. I think she feels special that she is having some one on one time with dad. So by getting her some exercise in the guise of 'bonding time' is a great way to get her moving.
Also when we talk about dinner, or snacks or food, I talk about healthy foods and what's really junk. She seems to take it to heart and I think she's actually lost a few pounds in the past few weeks.
What I'm trying NOT to do is FORCE it down her throat. I am NOT making her go on a diet. I am NOT forcing her to exercise. I think if I FORCE her, she'll rebel and it will totally backfire. We have all been in the same shoes. WE know the more people bitch about us and our weight, the more resentment we foster and the more we eat! Losing weight is a personal decision that only you can make. Only you can flip that switch and make the change. SHE has to find that switch for herself, I CANNOT flip it for her. I can only support, encourage and show her the path to healthy living, SHE has to choose to walk that path.
Please everyone, give us your two cents worth.
Rich
thank you so much for posting my question but there is a BIG typo...I left a sentence unfinished where it says "I don't want her..." I DO want her very much!! I meant to say I don't want her to feel bad about herself!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I appreciate the advice given so far and I will take some things to heart. Unfortunately, we have some unique circumstances in our house. We have two daughters and the other one struggles with the opposite problem. No one thinks being underweight is a problem but she is 13 and literally cannot gain weight if she tried. Also I run a daycare out of my home and while I do follow USDA guidlelines, food still seems to be a focus and I never want to single my younger daughter out as having to adhere to different habits than all the other kids in our home. Plus the contrast between our two girls makes her feel self conscience quite frequently especially now that she is getting older and more concerned with image.
I hope more people respond and again thank you!
Stephanie
PS One more thing I think I should add in requesting advice comments is that my younger daughter is extremely overweight. We do push the healthy foods but she has a real sweet tooth and she "sneaks" the sweet stuff whenever she gets a chance.
ReplyDeleteIn my home I have three children all raised by different mothers. On came to me at 16, one at 7, and on I birthed (she was 1 when her sisters came to us). They all had different ideas about life. My husband and myself had to regroup and come up with a family plan that got the oldest eating, the middle one not eating so much and the little one set on the road to healthy eating. It was a family affair and we all benifited. There was no special rules or food for the chubby one (the middle child). Now, 4 years later, all three children are at their fighting weight. They do what they are told so that Mommy and Daddy Claus will bring skateboards this year. If it is not an UPBEAT family affair, her feelings will be hurt. There will be no way around it.
ReplyDeleteI have three kids (my two and my husband's one) that all have weight issues. My daughter has reached a place where she wants to change, so I figure my job is to support that in any way I can. We work out together, shop together, talk about food choices, etc.
ReplyDeleteMy son, on the other hand, kind of wants to be healthier, but he's the pickiest eater I have EVER known. With him, I encourage him to exercise any time he shows an interest, but I don't force it (or healthy food) on him at all. I think if I push, he'll be even less inclined to make the healthy choice.
The bottom line, and probably the hardest part, is that you can't fix the problem for them once they're able to fix (or sneak) their own food. You can be a great example though, and at my house, that really seems to be working.
Elizabeth
I have a 12 year old daughter who was overweight and a 10 year who needs to put rocks in her pocket just to get the scale to move up in numbers. Very opposite ends of the spectrum. YOAD changed my household. We are now a family that is committed to a healthier lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteMy 12 year old started to get teased in 5th and 6th grade about being "fat". She was about 30 pounds heavier than her friends and being in middle school in the 6th grade is really tough. One day she came home crying about being called "fat" and said she wanted a change. I first took her to her doctor who did a complete physical and found that she was in the 95% for her weight, too heavy for her height. When the blood tests showed that she was borderline diabetic, I cried as a parent, feeling like it was my fault. I knew I had to make a change, even if they kicked and screamed in the beginning.
As written in YOAD, I did throw out all of the junk in the house. All white pasta, rice, bread....GONE. Replaced with whole wheat everything. Hot dogs replaced with turkey dogs, burgers with Boca burgers or veggie patties. Chicken nuggets replaced with the Morning Star brand nuggets (veggie). Ice cream became frozen yogurt, sugar cereals became cheerios with bananas or strawberries. Eveyone loves our new way of eating, nobody complained.
Don't worry about upsetting your family if you throw away the junk. Take control of the health of your family. We started in May 2007. My daughter went from a "plus" size 18/20 in kids to an "off the shelf" 12/14.
For exercise, we swim, play soccer and are getting used to the Dance,Dance,Revolution game on Playstation 2! It's really a good dance workout that's fun for the kids!
My husband, two daughters and myself are all following the YOAD plan. It's not a "diet" for our family, per se. It's a way of life for us.
We're a flying family, we like to take out the plane and fly along the coast for breakfast. It's important for our family to maintain a good weight for our health and not to overload the plane with just unnecessary weight. We're working on it as a family. We're beating the battle of the buldge, together.
Thanks, Rich for bringing up this subject.
dara
los angeles
Here are my thoughts as a high school teacher (we're back in school and the first day with kids is Tuesday). I think if you can have a open dialogue with your kids about the issue, rather than a fire-filled confrontation, you might be surprised at what happens. As a teacher, I've found that every teenager (even a girl at 12) has a poor self-image, even if they are the prom queen and a cheerleader at the school. And you can bet that if a kid is truly overweight, they are very much aware of the issue, as culture supports "super skinny," even for men. I'm all for health and not being obese...and I'm working on it, but I don't want to be over skinny, either. So, just as the YOAD books says, those kids spiral. They see their weight as either a lost cause or as something they'll get to later. And the end result is that they eat more.
ReplyDeleteI think it is so important to note that part of the reason YOAD is so powerful is that the doctors don't blame you for your condition, nor do they make excuses for it. Rather, they say, "So you're in this condition. Whatever. What are you going to do to get out of it?" And that's the key.
If you nag your kids (I'm not saying you do) about what they eat, they likely aren't going to do anything about it, or they'll eat worse. However, find those moments of communication, and you can share your feelings and thoughts about your own challenges with weight and what you're doing...and you might find yourself in the middle of a kid asking about how to change their lives.
Oh, and as you know, they watch you. If you're on the YOAD, and you aren't doing what you should, they'll see it. Kids hate hypocrisy...keep that in mind. It can totally ruin your "testimony" for the diet or healthy living.
Finally, do some family activities (non-optional) that require you to get out and do something for a change. Example? Rich's idea of a walk is great. Other ideas: biking, hiking, trip to the local community center with water slides, that sort of thing. And then bring along healthy snacks.
One final note (I know I said "finally" already). Part of the battle for these kids is that they learn their eating habits from other, including those of us who so desperately need YOAD in the first place. We are somewhat to blame for their habits. However, something you learn can be unlearned, and they can make a conscious choice to depart from learned ways to do something smarter. Thank goodness we're not destined to stick like concrete to our learned behaviors!
Chris
Wow - the response to this topic has been awesome. Thank you so much for some great words of advice - its made me realize that I am handling some things wrong and I will try some new approaches.
ReplyDeleteTo Rich: I lost the contest?! I actually lost the most weight overall at 29.4 pounds but someone else beat me because we were doing it by percentage weight loss. I lost by less than half a percent! Oh well, it was still awesome motivation and we started over again so I know I can win this time!!
Have a great weekend!
Stephanie
Stephanie, YOU LOST 29.4 pounds! Contest or not, You've already won!
ReplyDeleteRich
Hey Rich I went to the doctor yesterday for a physical with blood work so wish me luck I hope my numbers are goos . My doctor was impressed with the weight loss and last year I told her about the You the owners manuel book and she had it on her desk and now plans to get the You on a diet book she says they are very informative and tells her patients about the book often .Cant wait to see you numbers today .
ReplyDeleteI hope your numbers come out ok. Will you let us know?
ReplyDeleteMy weight/waist were the same today. A bit of a bummer, but not a deal breaker.
Rich
My former overweight daughter, Lauren, age 12, got the biggest compliment, well, sort of a backwards compliment.
ReplyDeleteShe went back to school today and said one girl asked if she "starved herself" over the summer and another said she looks so awesome with the weight loss.
She was so excited that she jumped on my treadmill for 30 minutes after school! She said, "mom, the YOAD stuff really works!!!"
I've never nor would I ever tell her she was overweight. I let her bring it up to me when whe was ready. I'm so happy that she has confided in me all of her concerns, fears and feelings about her body shape and size. We have a great relationship! I'm so proud of her!
dara
Have a 15 year old son and a 17 year old daughter. My son has always struggled with his weight...but not my daughter. However this year that kinda changed. She had gained weight during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. We called it her holiday fluff…she always lost it…but not this year. So when I started this in Feb…we all did it. They even read the book, they loved the humor ;o) We all joined the gym and do it as a family!! Watching them learn what I wished I had at there age has been a joy! Point…do this a learning experience and they will keep it forever. Give a man a fish he eats for a day…teach a man to fish he will eat for a life time…say thing as here :o)
ReplyDeleteLorraine
That's a great philosophy and so true.
ReplyDelete